SWEET SURRENDER

LIFE'S LESSONS

Life has thrown me a challenge and I am embracing it fully and learning from it as well.  We did our budget last Friday night and found we had been seriously overspending in the grocery department.  After allotting the money we had left on things we deemed necessary, we found that we could only budget $20 for the next two weeks for food (I found an extra $10 to add to that as well)!  I was able to do almost a full day of juicing this week, but I think next week's juicy Monday will have to be a water fast (oh my, I have only ever done one of those for a day).  Anyhow, what is going to be drastically different for us is that we are used to consuming tons of produce and for the next week and a half things will be limited.  I miss my daily juice already and green smoothies too :(.  However, I do have some juicing carrots left- yeehaw.  This is a really great experience for me.  For one thing, I have been trying to use up all of the dry goods we have in the pantry (I have had a couple of posts about this) as we transition to what might be a raw foods diet or high raw anyway.  And I am doing a great job.  I have whittled away the brown rice, the basmati rice, the quinoa, the black beans and pinto beans (down to a half gallon jar), and we only have half a bucket of oats left.  So, I am feeling good about this.  We still have quite a few garbanzos, but we have a few recipes that we like that will help us get through them.  Anyhow, I am really looking forward to decluttering the pantry and here is an opportunity for us to do so.  I also have tons of sea veggies, nuts and dried fruits and sprouting materials.  So, we actually will be eating several raw foods still, but of the more heavy variety.  Currently, I have flax seeds soaking for flax crackers, buckwheat soaking for buckwheaties and raw cinnamon rolls!, unhulled buckwheat soaking for buckwheat greens, and alfalfa seeds beginning to sprout.  I have been wanting to try sprouting my own buckwheat greens for months now, so now I am finally doing it out of desperation for fresh foods, so I am so thankful for this opportunity.   Oh, I also started a batch of kombucha tonight as well.

One thing Steve and I both notice is how tired we feel now that we have upped our consumption of cooked foods and downed the consumption of living juices, green smoothies and a great deal of fresh fruits and salads.  It makes us grateful to experience this stark contrast and makes us realize we are on a good path with our eating habits.

Thank goodness that we have a humble garden!

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We harvested some radishes today and I made a really delicious miso soup with the radish, radish tops, a teeny amount of mustard and kale out of our mesculun mix growing, and some shredded carrots and chopped garlic.  We had it on top of brown rice and with sunflower seeds and it felt very good and nourishing.

The radish tops were so yummy that I think I may try juicing a some radish tops with carrots for a small glass of juice tomorrow. 

And actually, we do have money that we could spend on groceries because we got our economy booster incentive from the government.  However, we are so excited because we will be able to use that money to buy new windows and maybe even doors for our home!  Our windows are really old and need replaced badly.  Not only will it help conserve energy in the winter, it is something that we feel needs to be done before we can move on from this house.  (There are several advantages to staying put where we are and we would be fine with that, but a part of us still has that country land dream, so maybe that opportunity will present itself sooner now that we will be getting windows-I guess that is another post entirely though).  So anyway, going without juice for a couple of weeks and using up the food that I want to use up is worth the sacrifice if we get new windows out of the deal.  We are so grateful for all the GIFTS that God has given to us and we are trying to use it all wisely. 

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Back From the Farm

At last I am finding the energy to post again!  It always surprises me how it can take so long to get back into rhythm of things after disrupting it for a week with travel.   But alas, housework and laundry have gotten caught up, menus have been thought out and groceries have been purchased, visits with family and friends are manifesting and all feels well. 

My trip to the Farm was wonderful on so many levels.  I really enjoyed my workshops, learned so much, and have a newly awakened desire to complete my Birthing From Within training.  BFW has given me new tools in how I approach life.  I am learning to listen with my deep belly ear.  I have been given new language to describe my experience of life.  I am seeing how I can approach life as a heroine's journey embracing it a step at a time instead of worrying about any outcome.  I am learning how to speak to my inner child, victim, and judge with love.  I am approaching art with the joy and innocence of a child and learning how to open myself to receive creative life force.  I am learning to find my voice and "sing my own verse" in this life of mine.  This time in my life, this piece of the awakening of my soul is so rewarding and at the same time freaking scary.  In order to move forward, I have to release old agreements and shed layers of protection that have been in place for many years.  Sometimes I am very good at trying to resist these changes, but at the same time, I know the only way I can exist with peace in my heart is to keep moving on even if it means only baby steps. I cannot give up even when I am asked to go to very uncomfortable places.  What a gift I have been given in this work.  The very best thing is that as I awaken these places within myself, I am able to present the tools to parents to awaken these things within themselves.  Not only is Birthing From Within preparing the heart for the journey of labor and parenting, it is giving new mothers and fathers life tools that can be passed to the children.

So, not only did I get to connect with beautiful, inspired women, I also got to connect with many Earth conscious individuals either working or apprenticing at the Farm.  I made some lovely connections and had many interesting conversations and I am just so inspired to see change occurring at so many levels.  A planetary shift is happening- so many paths to awakening.  I have been watching so many amazing documentaries lately- Inconvenient Truth, the 11th hour, Go Further.  I feel an amazing shift has been happening with in our family of discovering all that we can do to walk lightly on the earth.  It has been soo long since I have been surrounded by people who were experimenting with sustainability in many aspects of life, who were so happy with life that they gave smiles freely.  It recharged my batteries in a big way.

  One of my favorite moments was when I was walking from the Eco-Village (where I slept and prepared my food) to the conference center (where my workshop was held).  As I was walking, I saw a young fawn grazing on a patch of grass.  I felt that once it sensed my presence, it would bolt, just like the deer in the parks of my home town.  Much to my surprise, it stayed munching.  An amazing peace came over me as I realized that the deer was not afraid of me.  At that moment, I really felt the connection of all beings living in harmony.  And as if this heart melting encounter wasn't enough, at the very same time,  the most magical sun was setting off in the distance.  Love, love, yummy love. 

I only have two pictures from my visit.  In this one, I am (on the left) with two beautiful sisters I connected with who not only work at the Farm, but also took the BFW training. 

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You can't tell from the picture, but the sister in the middle has beautiful dread locks.  I am seriously considering dreading my hair after it grows out longer.  It is something that I have always wanted to try, but have been too chicken to do (I tried for about a month once).   When I got home, I found this inspiring blog post and this website.  I read that once you have committed to dreads, you have committed to stares from strangers as well.  So, I guess I will try my hand at the hairy legs and hairy pits for awhile and see what happens.  But anyhow, I sidetrack myself.  I am hoping to put a post up soon about making kombucha and the dreadie sista gave me some good tips that I will share as well.  I  have also promised Yarrow a post about making yarrow oil and yarrow sticks and I will also be paying it forward , so by sure to stop back by!     

Urban Homesteading

Here is a youtube clip that I found to be very inspiring, so if you haven't come across it yet, enjoy!

Today

Today was a good day and I have many things to be thankful for.  This morning, I actually woke up at 6:40 and was quite excited until Rowan woke up about 10 minutes later to nurse and then after 15 minutes or so decided to wake up early.  However, I can see the good in this because I found out something I had not known before.  When I first woke, I thought to myself how perfect it would be to go sit and practice advanced pranayama (breath work).  When Rowan woke up, I decided to take him to my yoga mat with me.  I have not done that for a long time.  When he was a baby, I would practice yoga and have him lying on his sheep skin next to me and he would fall to sleep because the vibe was so peaceful.  And today, he just sat next to me, so still and quietly, observing my practice and I was able to totally focus in on what I was doing.  After about 15 minutes he got a bit restless and started searching out toys.  After practicing deep breath work, it is good to rest in corpse pose (on your back) and completely relax your body and mind, incorporating the vibration of breath into your being.  So, when he started getting antsy, I took his cue that my time was ending, and got into a quick final relaxation.  This part of the practice was not as deep for me as it would have been if I had been solo, but that is a good challenge to work around I am sure.  Anyhow, I was happy to remember how important it is to have my children observe me from time to time doing this practice that recharges my soul and brings me closer to God.  This is not to say that I don't strive to live my yoga, but I am sure that small children being exposed to asana and pranyama must be a wonderful thing.  So, I am thankful of the reminder to share this with my children from time to time and to connect with Rowan in this way.

We also had a good day in regards to food preparation.  I got my Kombucha started!  Hurrah.  And some raw falafel (made of sprouted garbanzos) in the dehydrator.  The boys helped with this and Rowan ate several bites of it, exclaiming "YUM, good!" several times.  Silas also liked it, so I hope it turns out well once dehydrated.   I also got another dehydrated treat made up- nori sheets spread with a spicy pine nut and walnut  pate.  In the cooked world of food, I got some spicy black bean burgers made up for the freezer (a triple batch, so that we have some convenience food) and made a pretty gourmet raw dinner to boot.

In the home school world, Silas had a good day.  He is making a calendar, so he worked on two of the grids.  He has a large piece of drawing paper that he has to measure a 1" border on the sides and bottom, and a 3" border across the top.  He then divides the remainder of the paper into 2" squares.  He has a lot of focus doing this and is enjoying it.  He also read two non-fiction books.  One on anacondas and one called weird and wild reptiles or something like that.  We played a game of Harry Potter "clue" which he won.  Rowan and I read books and he helped me in the kitchen a ton!  He really enjoys measuring and scooping and any little thing he can do.  It's a nice time.  We also had some outdoor time and cleared out some of the flowers and plants from the summer. 

Last week, my first week out of yoga school, was a bit hectic despite the fact that we didn't have to make the trip.  This week felt nice to have two whole days to just mellow out together, so that was nice.  We are truly blessed! 

more raw food talk

I have been holding back on talking about raw foods so as not to sound redundant, but they have my attention so strongly, that it seems to be a topic that I keep revisiting.

The reintroduction to cooked foods was so gradual, I didn't really even notice it happening until sometime a few weeks ago, I realized the ratio of cooked foods to raw foods was growing.  I also noticed and became aware of how I was feeling in my body and psyche with this change and discovered that I had less energy and wanted to sleep for longer, a few blemishes started to appear, I didn't feel as light on the inside, and I didn't have as many bowel movements.  I also noticed how overall, my senses were dulling a bit.  I am so amazed by this.

In Victoria Boutenko's book, Twelve Steps to Raw, (which I haven't gotten to read yet), she talks about how one of the things you have to do is realize your addiction to cooked food.  I have a sense of this now.  I go back and forth in my mind about it, but it does seem that I have a strong desire for the warming, soothing qualities of some foods like vegetable pot pie or potato leek soup.  I also have a struggle, as I have mentioned before about if I actually ever did become a locavore, how could I support a raw diet?  But I can't help but notice how my body feels so much better after eating a raw meal over 90% of the cooked foods I have been eating.  I also noticed that I don't necessarily have to be all raw, but I feel the best when at least 2/3 of my day is raw including either a green smoothie or fresh juice.  I do actually think I feel spiritually the lightest on all raw foods and more grounded with some cooked, but I know that could just be the place that I am in now.   I often times can slip into a very nice place through yoga whether on cooked or raw foods.  But even then, I think everything melts and relaxes faster when on raw.  So, then it leads me to the question, if I think I feel so much better, then why not go all raw?  Addiction?  Perhaps.  It also makes me feel a bit like an outcast when I can't eat with friends and family and at this point I don't have any local raw friends. 

So, this week I have come to a compromise with myself and I have been eating all day raw until dinner when we have a cooked meal.   I think I could also reverse the pattern if I have a raw dinner planned.  But this is seeming to work for me.  I feel at peace with it and feel like it is a good place to hang out for awhile and for this, I am grateful. 

Day #5- A community of sisterhood

I apologize for missing yesterday's post, but you know how it goes.  But getting right on track with today.  I have been thinking a lot about how grateful I am to be involved with so many nice circles of people in my life. 

One community I am involved with is the Holistic Mom's Network.  I feel really blessed to be apart of this group of amazing women whom I have learned a lot from about what it means to be in a community.  I have seen our group provide childcare for each other, provide meals for each other, and even clean house for a mama on bed rest during her pregnancy.   It's pretty amazing.  We have also been having nice mother blessings for our pregnant mama friends.

We will be honoring one mama in such a way in a couple of weekends.  We will be gifting her with a blanket that will be made of unique squares made by many of us and sewed up by one very amazing and generous woman that I know. 

Here is a picture of the square that I made.  It was fun to do the embroidery and I figured out how to do the blanket stitch too.  With such little time for crafting these days, it felt good to create.

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It says

Peace above me

Peace below me

Peace around me

Peace within me

It's a nice chant that I learned when a Buddhist nun came and gave a talk at my church.  I like to sing it when I am walking.  You can replace the first word with anything- like love, joy, Christ, etc.

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Day #3- Our beautiful tree

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video HostingThis is one of two trees in our front yard.  It makes me so happy when I drive up the road and see it shining down on me in all of its glory.  Right now it has 4 colors going on- bright orange, light orange, gold, and a bit of green.  I am thankful for trees and all of their gifts to us.

This is very cool

Check out this link that my sister sent me in an email.  It will make your head spin and it lets you know if you are using your right or left brain.  Apparently I am more right brained, but I did get it to switch for a couple of minutes after I read some text which I think put me into my left brain for a moment.  It was crazy because Steve saw it totally different from me for awhile and then was able to make it switch.  Anyway, check it out and you will experience what I am saying.

click here

A Challenge

I just decided to join a challenge of creating one post a day on this blog for the next 30 days and since it is the month of November, I will be focusing on the theme of gratitude.   You can sign up to play too right here.  Thanks to Isabel for the idea.

I have so much to feel grateful for, this should be a breeze!

For day #1 of this challenge,  I am grateful that today I remained stationed in my hometown rather than taking my previous weekly trek down to Indianapolis.  This is because last week I successfully completed my 200 hour yoga teacher training (ytt).  I am so thankful for all the wonderful friends I made (especially yogini extraordinary Andrea!) and for my wonderful yoga teacher.  She is a beautiful woman and I learned so much from her.  I am thankful to my in-laws who played such a role in allowing this to happen for me by providing childcare and shelter almost every week since February!   I am thankful that our minivan delivered us safely to and fro each week.  I am thankful that financially I was able to afford the cost of the program and all of the gas (and oil changes!) it took.  I am grateful that Rowan was able to establish a close relationship with his out of town grandparents due to our weekly visits.  And most of all I am happy to be a certified yoga teacher! and all of the personal growth I experienced through the program.  This is definitely a dream come true for me as I knew this was something I wanted to do since the first time I laid my foot into a yoga class. The one thing that I love about yoga is that the journey is never ending and I plan to pursue it for a life time! 

winding down

Wow, I can barely believe it, but I only have two weeks left and I will be done with my yoga teacher training.  Almost every week since February, the boys and I have made the trek down to Indy, so that I can attend my program on Thursday evenings. 

I never could have imagined how this would change the dynamic of my week until I experienced it.  The things that I didn't think about were that in the time frame between Monday and Wednesday, we had to get laundry done and folded (including diapers and diaper covers), errands ran, and food prepped for the trip.  The food prep was really my own added stress.  Steve's mom and dad (who graciously took us in with shelter and childcare every week) would have been happy to feed me, I just have quirky dietary standards.  So, the packing and unpacking each week took a portion of our three free weekdays where we had to also fit in yoga practice, social functions, home school activities and learning, house cleaning, oil changes, hobbies,etc.  This was one aspect that was unexpected.  Oh, yes each week was packing for not only myself, but the two boys.   The other thing that threw me off was how tired I would feel on Friday nights when arriving home, I suppose from all the travel.  Eating  a bunch of raw food through the middle of this training helped a lot in that aspect though.  The other thing that surprised me was how quickly the time passed from Saturday to Wednesday when once again I had to prepare to leave.  It was a saving grace that I took practically the whole summer off from teaching.  Because now that I am teaching 2-3 classes a week again, it makes that 5 days in between go even faster!

I think that I now have a deeper appreciation of how much time there is in one week when I don't have to go away.  On the weeks that I had a break, I was amazed at how much more space an extra two mornings, afternoons, and evenings can create.  I think at first, when I get to reclaim this space for other purposes than ytt and traveling, I am going to thoroughly appreciate the time.  I wonder how long it will take before I forget and begin to feel like my week goes too fast and that there is not enough time.  I hope that I will savor the space for awhile. 

I am looking forward to focusing my energies in other areas of my life that have been on the back burner.  Completing my Birthing from Within certification and attending more births.  I have really missed doulaing this year.  I couldn't be on call, so I couldn't take any births.  I am also excited about growing my business and networking with others in my area, so that my birthing from within classes and Itsy Bitsy yoga classes can take off.  I am so thankful for all the clients and students I have had over the past few years that have found their way to me (without much advertising on my part) and have supported the expense of all my training and learning.  And now I am ready to watch my business of service to pregnant women and their families grow.  I actually feel like I am about to graduate from college finally.  It is funny how this alternative route to education which has entailed me to work my booty off doesn't get the same recognition as a college degree.  It doesn't really matter to me so much, it is more of an observation.  I am just addicted to learning!  I can't wait to attend more yoga workshops and Birthing From Within retreats, but at least for awhile when I do these things, they won't require any more home study. 

So, I am feeling it.  I am ready to tackle my last 5-6 months so that I can send in my advanced home study for Birthing From Within and I will be done for awhile.  Yippee!!!